Do you know those things that keep you up at night? Those little annoying thoughts that make the bed seem too lumpy like your own bespoke pea under the mattress? They range from social issues to intimidating work loads to money issues to all sorts. But mine's none of that. Nothing as vague. Mine's much more specific. You see, mine's the thought of losing you.
I've never before been afraid of death. It's natural. It's inevitable. Yet still, we think and we worry. Funny things, us humans. How we can so wrapped up in a thought. I never really understood that. Not until the doctor told us you were ill. Now I'm still not scared of death, I'm just scared of losing you.
It never really occurred to me that I'm not to blame. I feel responsible and I don't know why. I know it's not my fault and I know that even if I did the whole six years of your life over again, it wouldn't make a difference. I suppose it's because I'm your Mum and I'm supposed to protect you, and I've failed. I haven't done m